was like one suddenly awakened to the divinity and beauty of the 

female form. The joy was so keen and yet peaceful, familiar, and 

subjective that I could not help comparing it to a happy chemical 

change in the tissues of my own brain. Like the unexpected 

functioning of my skin in the sun it was a sign of a partial 

return to a normal condition, another glimpse of Paradise. 

I stuck to my new diet and gained a fresh elation and joy in 

life. Gradually clothes became insupportable, and I went down to 

the beach as often as possible to take them off, and at nights, 

beside the patient and astonished A., I would lie naked. One 

evening, passing some grass, I looked over the fence like a gipsy 

and felt a longing to take off my clothes and sleep in the grass 

all night. It was of course impossible. And A. looked unhappily 

in my face; she began to think her mother, who now thought I was 

mad, must be right. 

That night I woke up and found myself having coition. I was angry 

and felt I had been put back in my progress, but a fever of lust 

now came over me. I would sit under the tap and let the cold 

water run over me to conquer the fever, but at the end of a week 

my hopes were frustrated and I even turned against my natural 

diet, on which I had made flesh. A., as I expected, went through 

her usual fits, and slowly recovered. (If we had connection only 

once she in about three weeks had a mild attack of fits; if we 

had coition more than once the fits were more severe.) I relapsed 

more than once and as a means of impressing my resolution for 

future abstinence I would walk for miles in the middle of 

pitch-black nights.... 

Miss T. came over to Adelaide and as I knew nothing definite 

against her and heard that she was engaged, I thought perhaps my 

suspicions were unfounded and was friendly. But one day in town I 

saw her and A. on a tram going out to our cottage. Even then my 

suspicions might not have been awakened, but I saw Miss T. say 

something rapidly to A., and A. called out to me, "Will you be 

coming home soon?" And I answered "No." When the tram had gone on 

I found myself vaguely wondering what Miss T. wanted to know that 

for, for my perceptions were becoming acute enough to understand 

women's ways. In another minute I was walking rapidly home. When 

I came to the door it was locked. I knocked and knocked and no 

one came. I called out and threatened to kick in the door. Still 

no one came. Mad with rage I commenced to put my threat into 

execution, when the door was opened by Miss T., half-naked, in 

her petticoats, and pale as death, but no longer defiant. "So 

I've caught you, have I?" I _looked_, but could not trust myself 

to speak. Wondering why A. did not appear I went into the 

bedroom. She was lying on the bed, just as Miss T. had left her, 

on the verge of a fit, and on seeing me she held out her hands 

piteously, and when I stooped over her she whispered, "Send her 

away, send her away." Then she became unconscious and going into 

the next room I ordered Miss T. (who had managed to scramble on 

her dress) out of the house. I spoke scornfully as if addressing